Fearless

I think that this is going to be my 2011 theme. "Fearless". Yep, that's the whole theme. I want to live without fear. I want to trust God that no matter what he is bigger than any of the darkness. And that falling on my face and having Him pick me up is better than never moving forward.

For me this is a big jump. But to touch people with the hands of Christ there can be no holding back. He brings freedom...because He banishes the fear that nothing will change, you're stuck, it can't be healed, the joy is gone, you have no options...For me to bring that to people, like He told me to, I need to be fearless too.

It's official...

...I am a very poor blogger. AND I don't post pictures. I mean don't we all come to the blogs for the pictures??
Cora Grace: walks, signs, eats ALL the time and will mix it up with her brothers.
Ezra Walker: TALKING!, great scooter driver, loves animals and having jobs to do.
Malachi Sacry: starting to read, serious sweet tooth, remembers all kinds of details and when he runs into you feels like a small car.

AND just to update everyone I have totally fallen off the wagon with the coffee.

5 things I love Friday!

1. I love how the boys think Cora is adorable. Mac sings her songs to cheer her up, or put her to bed, or for waking up in the morning. Ezra walks behind her laughing and squeezing his arms together like he can't take the cuteness and wants to squeeze her sooooo tight.

2. I love that my husband listens to my feelings and values them.

3. I love all the cute decorations on the bum of baby girl clothes.

4. I love the way Ezra gallops when he's excited.

5. I love that Cora is big enough to tip her own sippy cup.

Times are changing.

For Cora's birthday I made strawberry cupcakes with strawberry icing and had a pink sparkly candle. It was so much fun to make! I can hardly believe we're here. My first baby lost his first tooth and my last one is a toddler now. People say it will get easier now, as they get older. I suppose we'll see.

Cora was given a baby doll and stroller...hilarious. It was promptly commandeered by Ezra. He loves his play kitchen and cleaning supplies...and now the stroller. Josh is handling it well as I reassure him it is just a stage. I remember when Mac loved nothing better than to wear his friends sparkly, heeled dress-up shoes. And now he always plays the bad guy in the Transformer games at school. (Wow that makes him sound disturbed.)

What I really hope is that I can give my children a safe place to find themselves. That I don't try and manage their behavior so much that I take away the privilege of learning from their own life.

Christmas as a grownup.

Hello all and Merry Christmas for a few more hours. This year was different for me somehow. We've had children at Christmas for five years now, but somehow this year was the turning point. Maybe it's having three children, or hosting Thanksgiving AND Christmas. I realize now I am responsible for Christmas. Wow. Now I know what all the hubub about starting early and having plans for the month, getting your advent and tree ready to go after Thanksgiving is all about and being intentional about the messages you send the little ones about the season. I never really understood what everyone was going on about before. However, having failed to do many things that would have made my life easier this year...it is dawning on me.

We put together (well...Josh did) toys with many small plastic parts and were up late prepping the house and food. I realized we have no stockings...what kind of mother am I?? (The kind that gets them on sale after Christmas or the kind that makes them...I can't decide.) So the children got seasonal gift bag "stockings". However I wasn't a total flop and we did get matching Christmas pj's to start the season out by the first of December...when we put up the tree. (I was very proud of myself : )

So while I am somewhat shocked at my new Christmas role I am excited at the opportunities it presents. Excited to watch my children grow and to be a part of their memories and life that they will take with them wherever they go. What a true blessing children are.

Coffee Anonymous

I keep re-realizing how hopped up caffeine makes me. I think to myself, "Wow, I seem really anxious and edgy, what changed." Well I had a cup of coffee (and I have to confess, cherry coke) an hour ago...hmm. Now there is the initial friendly energy boost, but then I come down off that and I'm tired and not friendly.

Really, this is probably the tenth time I've thought to myself that I need to quit the hard stuff. I've tried to figure out why I have trouble giving it up. It seems to be something I punctuate my day with. A small reward for getting through the morning, a comfort food in the evening, a social activity, and I like to be a coffee snob. Now, mind you I'm only drinking a cup a day (five out of seven days a week). However I do notice the slippery slope. I think I can handle a second cup or a that a soda isn't the same thing so I can go ahead and drink it. When you see/hear that in black and white it sounds a heckuva lot like an alchoholic. I am continuing to do something that has negative repercussions. I'm sure my family feels that those negatives impact them also. Cutting out the coffee would get rid of extra calories and I would probably have an easier time going to bed early. I've noticed lately that while I do love the taste, it's just not making me as happy anymore. So I do it out of habit or compunction.

SO. What I need are ideas for replacement behaviors. Now I keep trying to substitute tea...it just doesn't have the same punchy taste, weak sauce. Of course, there's always just water. Which would no doubt be healthiest. It just doesn't have that special treat quality. I also try just decaf (which we all know doesn't taste right) but then I cheat and go to Starbucks b/c their decaf has so much caffeine. This also costs more money and drives my husband insane. I need a new habit/ritual. Of course it totally doesn't help that I live in the Pacific Northwest where we are serious about our coffee and that we have a local small batch roaster up the street that makes great coffee. But this is not about those things it's about my mental health and that should be more important. Right?!

So this blog entry is part of my intervention for myself. Hello, my name is Justina and I am a coffee-holic.

I said I'd never do this.

So here I am starting a blog. I just love to look at other peoples. I love how I feel like I have just popped by for a little coffee break with them when I read their posts. I also love looking at peoples blog designs, like scrapbooking. It's really not as obnoxious to blog as it first seemed. Of course people want to hear about your life, not because they don't have one of their own, but because they care. Cyber-communities...it could be cool.

The real problem I will have is getting my pictures posted. That is, of course, one of the major selling points of a blog...to make people feel like they really are involved in your life. If you don't know what little Jimmy looks like it's hard to feel involved. So far I suck at posting pictures to Facebook and I rarely send them via email. But I feel this blog is the dawn of a new era for me. Already I find it a little technically daunting just to publish a post. I know that is kind of sad for me.

I feel somewhat clueless regarding length of posts. It's being married to Josh...has me wondering if there is some studied length for optimum readability that increases peoples likelihood of frequenting your site.

Hopefully you will all stay with me as I muddle through and share a good stiff cup with me.
(Just so you know, my grammar is notoriously bad. Sometimes Josh will proof my work, that should help.)